Imagine spending every social interaction like you’re performing in a play where everyone else got the script except you. You’re constantly watching, mimicking, rehearsing responses, and monitoring your body language – all while pretending it’s effortless. You smile at the right moments, make eye contact even when it feels uncomfortable, and suppress the urge to fidget or move in ways that feel natural.
For millions of autistic people, this isn’t imagination. It’s daily life. And it’s called masking.
Recently, social media platforms have exploded with conversations about autism masking and unmasking. From TikTok videos garnering millions of views to countless personal stories shared across platforms, people are finally talking openly about the exhausting reality of hiding their authentic selves. But why is this topic resonating with so many people right now? And what does it mean for our understanding of what it means to be neurodivergent?
What Is Autism Masking?
Autism masking, also known as camouflaging, is the process by which autistic individuals suppress their natural behaviors and adopt neurotypical mannerisms to blend in with society. It’s an adaptive strategy that many autistic people develop, often unconsciously, to navigate a world that wasn’t designed for neurodivergent minds.
Common Masking Behaviors
Masking can take many forms, but some of the most common behaviors include:
- Making eye contact even when it feels like staring into headlights
- Suppressing stimming (those natural self-regulating movements like hand-flapping or rocking that actually help)
- Having rehearsed responses ready for small talk and social situations
- Copying other people’s gestures and expressions like you’re following a script
- Enduring scratchy clothes, bright lights, or loud noises without saying anything
- Being the “yes person” who never rocks the boat, even when you’re drowning
Related: What is Stimming?
Why Masking Develops
Masking typically develops as a survival mechanism. Many autistic individuals learn early that their natural behaviors are seen as “different” or “inappropriate.” Whether through direct criticism, social rejection, or simply observing how others react to autistic traits, they begin to understand that acceptance often requires performance.
For some, masking becomes so automatic that they don’t even realize they’re doing it. The persona they present to the world becomes deeply ingrained, making it difficult to distinguish between their authentic self and their masked identity.
The Hidden Cost of Masking
While masking might help autistic individuals navigate social situations more smoothly, it comes with a devastating mental health toll that’s only now being fully understood.
1. The Psychological Impact
Here’s what researchers discovered when they studied people who mask: the mental health toll is devastating. A 2021 study published in Molecular Autism found that camouflaging was directly linked to higher levels of generalized anxiety, depression, and social anxiety in autistic adults. Even more alarming, research by Cassidy et al. (2018) revealed a significant association between masking behaviors and increased lifetime suicidal thoughts in autistic adults.
2. Physical and Mental Exhaustion
Picture this: constantly monitoring and controlling your natural impulses while simultaneously trying to perform behaviors that don’t come naturally. It’s like running a marathon while juggling – the cognitive load is immense. Many people describe feeling completely “drained” or “empty” after social interactions, needing hours or even days to recover their energy.
3. Loss of Identity
Perhaps the most heartbreaking consequence of chronic masking is the loss of authentic self. Many masked autistic individuals report feeling disconnected from their true identity, asking themselves, “Who am I without the mask?” After years of suppressing their natural behaviors, they struggle to recognize their genuine preferences, emotions, and needs.
4. Gender Differences in Masking
Research suggests that autistic women and girls are more likely to mask than their male counterparts, partly explaining why they’re often diagnosed later in life or missed entirely. A systematic review on autism masking notes that women’s masking strategies tend to be more sophisticated, involving social mimicry and people-pleasing behaviors that can fly under the radar of traditional diagnostic criteria.
This pattern has led to a surge in late-diagnosed autistic women sharing their stories online, finally understanding why they’ve felt exhausted and “different” their entire lives.
What Unmasking Looks Like
Unmasking is the gradual process of allowing authentic autistic traits to emerge while reducing performed neurotypical behaviors. It’s not about “giving up” or “letting yourself go” – it’s about honoring your genuine needs and natural ways of being.
The Unmasking Process
The unmasking journey might include:
- Allowing natural stimming behaviors like hand-flapping, rocking, or fidgeting when they help with self-regulation
- Setting sensory boundaries, such as wearing noise-canceling headphones or choosing clothes based on comfort rather than appearance
- Communicating directly instead of using excessive social pleasantries or indirect language
- Taking breaks when overwhelmed rather than pushing through sensory or social discomfort
- Expressing genuine interests even if they’re considered “unusual” or intense
- Honoring your energy levels by saying no to social events when you need recovery time
If you’re recognizing these patterns in yourself and wondering about autism, know that professional assessment can provide clarity and validation for your experiences.
Related: Autism Testing & Diagnosis FAQ’s
Understanding the Unmasking Journey
It’s important to understand that unmasking isn’t linear or all-or-nothing. Many autistic individuals find they can unmask more around trusted friends and family while still needing to mask in certain professional or social situations for safety or practical reasons. This selective unmasking is perfectly valid and often necessary.
The Emotional Experience
The process can bring both relief and fear. Many describe feeling “free” when they stop suppressing their natural behaviors, but they may also worry about rejection or judgment from others. Some experience grief for the years they spent hiding their authentic selves, while others feel joy at finally understanding who they really are.
One unmasking individual shared: “It felt like taking off shoes that were too small after wearing them all day. The relief was immediate, but my feet were so sore from the years of compression that it took time to remember how to walk naturally.”
Supporting the Unmasking Journey
Creating a world where autistic individuals don’t feel the need to mask requires collective effort and understanding.
1. For Individuals Beginning to Unmask
Professional support can be invaluable during this process. Therapists who understand autism can help navigate the complex emotions that arise during unmasking and provide strategies for maintaining authentic expression while staying safe in various environments.
2. For Families and Friends
Learn about autism beyond stereotypes. Understand that stimming serves important regulatory functions, that direct communication isn’t rude, and that sensory needs are real and valid. Create spaces where autistic individuals can be themselves without judgment.
3. For Society at Large
We need to expand our definition of “normal” human behavior. When we make room for different ways of communicating, moving, and processing the world, everyone benefits. This includes advocating for sensory-friendly environments, flexible communication styles, and workplace accommodations.
4. Resources for Support
- Seek autism-informed therapists who understand masking and unmasking
- Connect with autistic communities online and in-person for peer support
- Explore books like “Unmasking Autism” by Devon Price for guidance
- Consider a professional autism assessment if you suspect you’ve been masking
Moving Forward Authentically
The conversation about autism masking and unmasking represents more than just a social media trend – it’s a movement toward authenticity and acceptance. As more people share their stories, we’re collectively recognizing that the pressure to appear “normal” has caused immense harm to neurodivergent individuals.
By talking openly about masking, we’re not only validating the experiences of autistic people but also creating space for everyone to show up more authentically in the world. After all, when we make room for neurodivergent ways of being, we create a more inclusive society for everyone.
The masks are coming off, and it’s about time.
Ready to Explore Your Authentic Self?
If you or a loved one is struggling with these experiences and wondering about autism, a professional assessment can provide the clarity you need. Contact KMN Psych today at (858) 224-2906 to schedule your autism evaluation and take the first step toward understanding your authentic self.
References
- Pearson, A., & Miller, D. (2021). Is social camouflaging associated with anxiety and depression in autistic adults? Molecular Autism, 12(1), 1-13. https://molecularautism.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13229-021-00421-1
- Cassidy, S., Bradley, L., Shaw, R., & Baron-Cohen, S. (2018). Risk markers for suicidality in autistic adults. Molecular Autism, 9(1), 42. https://molecularautism.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13229-018-0226-4
- Understanding Autism Masking and Its Consequences. (2021). Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/autism/autism-masking